Inside the head of a January 6 "patriot."
Today's Guest Post is an imagined inner dialogue, done for humor by a humorist.
I have talked with exactly one person who travelled from Medford, Oregon to Washington, D.C. to participate in the January 6 event. He seemed exhilarated to have been there. He told me he stood in the cold to hear Trump speak but did not enter the Capitol. He said the people who entered the Capitol were patriots. He said he thought Barack Obama was born in Kenya, not in the USA, and never should have been allowed to be president. He said Trump won the 2020 election in a landslide, no question about it, and that Biden was an illegitimate president, too. I kept hoping he was joking and was just trying to get a rise out of me, but, alas, he was dead serious.
Gerald Murphy is a retired high school English teacher. He writes short plays for schools and community theaters. He used to write satirical posts on the Next Door site with a narrator voicing quirky ideas. That ended. He was kicked off the site after numerous complaints from neighbors to the Next Door moderators. Neighbors didn’t recognize satire when they read it.
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| Gerald Murphy with grandson Winston |
BEST INTENTIONS
I came to Washington with the best intentions. There were many rumors about votes in Philly, and I tended to believe them. After all, where there is smoke, there’s fire. And there was plenty of smoke rising from the 2020 elections. My go-to social media sites were exploding with accusations of rampant voting irregularities. And Donald Trump, my president, was certain the election had been stolen from him. He wanted us to come to Washington on January 6th. I obeyed the call, even though my sister thought I was an idiot for going. I just knew everything would turn out great, and it would have if it weren’t for a hangman’s noose, a crushed helmet, and a stupid laptop computer.
The speeches by Trump and others got us all riled up, and we were on our way to the Capitol Building in a wild (yet peaceful) patriotic parade. Some guy behind me mentioned that it would be cool if we brought along a hangman’s noose, just to show our determination. He had a rope, but he admitted he had no idea how to make a noose. I volunteered to help him, since I was well acquainted with various knots from my youthful Eagle Scout experiences. I quickly assembled something passable, and soon I was being filmed by many marchers, including some who railed against Vice President Pence when they saw my work. Some other guys were hammering some sort of wooden platform together, and they insisted I give them the noose. I did so since I had no use for it.
Soon the crowd was getting louder and louder and more and more pushy. They pushed me up the stairs and I found myself directly in front of a cop who had his helmet caught between a door and a door jamb. He was screaming in pain, and I could see the problem was that his helmet had caught his head inside this very bad place. I figured the only way he could get free was if we could crush his helmet into pieces, which would allow him to pull his head out. I joined others who were helping to push against the door to free him. Many of my fellow patriots filmed us as we attempted to save him. You probably have seen some of our hard work on television.
Later I was able to get into some congressional offices, including Nancy Pelosi’s. Everyone I knew hated her a lot, so I was expecting to see pictures of Stalin and Hitler in her office, but it was actually kind of boring. Other patriots were ransacking stuff, but I hit the jackpot when I grabbed her laptop computer. I waved it around in triumph for pictures, but I really had no use for it. When another guy asked for it, I gave it to him. I didn’t want to get in trouble for stealing, even in a good cause.
At the end of the day, I got bored hanging around the Capitol. I thought maybe they might arrest some of the marchers who destroyed some stuff and broke some windows, but they let us all go home scot-free.
It was a quiet ride home on the train to Philly. When I got to my house, everyone started calling me and saying how I was on TV all day long, and not just from other marchers filming me. Turns out the Capitol has closed-circuit cameras all over the place. They even have one video of me waving a confederate flag, which I did only for a joke. They had confederate flags all over the place. Go figure.
Of course, I’m in jail now, and my dumb sister, who voted for Biden, says I had it coming. I could have gotten mad at her for saying this, but it turns out she’s the only one who visits me here. She tells me I’ve done a lot of dumb things in my life, but this was the dumbest.
Hate to say it, but I kind of agree with her.
15 comments:
I’m glad to read he went to jail. If I heard his presentation of his behaviors in jail as a prison psychologist, I would have concluded he lacked insight and minimized his criminal behavior. He presents more as a victim rather than a perpetrator of criminal behavior, which is a very poor prognostic sign and I encourage him to take criminal thinking error courses if they are available . Would I support him for placement in a halfway house? No, I would not. I wonder if he actually thinks he did anything wrong? I’m guessing not really, except he is in jail, so maybe that was a mistake.
It isn’t productive to portray Trump supporters as hapless dupes. They’re patriots with serious concerns: their election was stolen and there’s a conspiracy by Satan-worshipping pedophiles to replace Whites in this country with people of color. The problem is they aren’t very articulate, so they had to express their displeasure the only way they knew how, by bashing cops and smearing feces on the Capitol walls.
I also recently learned from the God’s Army convoy in Texas that terrorists are coming across the border funded by Jewish money. Rather than mocking their legitimate grievances, we should be empathizing with them. That would bring them around, for sure.
Mike, many of TFG's supporters are hapless dupes.
This country is lacking people with critical-thinking skills. That's how con men and religion get their "marks."
Do we really want to be a country that normalizes stupidity and the actions they bring that hurt society?
Don't most criminals minimize their behavior and present themselves as victims?
Trump is a classic criminal and attracts that element.
Far-left comic Michael Rapaport slams ‘cadaver’ Biden, says voting for Trump ‘on the table’ after migrants beat cops in NYC.
Let’s hope that the officials responsible for defending the Capitol do a better job next time. It’s unforgivable that sufficient forces weren’t available to keep the mob out of the Capitol that day. It’s also unforgivable that heads didn’t roll over that indefensible incompetence.
The birther thing is funny. Peter, do you remember how this got started?
During the 2008 election John McCain was running against Barack Obama. Previously McCain had received some flack because he was born in the Panama Canal zone. Prior to McCain you had Ted Cruz catching an earful for being born in Canada.
Obama's birther stories are what's called blowback.
The funny part is that it doesn't matter! He is the child of an American citizen born abroad, doesn't matter if Calgary or Kenya. Doesn't even matter that Barack's own brother claims it, Obama was eligible to be president.
People on both sides of the argument sound like children.
Mc asked whether most criminals minimize their behaviors and present themselves as victims, my experience of 30 years had it about 50/50. The ones who minimized and took a victim stance came back on new charges at a much higher rate. Some inmates actually take a look at their life and make changes. You need to see yourself as doing something wrong or why change? Sometimes it’s the 3 rd or 4th incarceration that leads to it’s not them, it’s me that’s the problem. Living in jail is unpleasant.
It's unforgivable that more than three years later a majority of yhe planners ans instigators, including Former Guy are still walking around free of most consequences.
It seems to me our Legal System needs some serious reforms, while protecting an individuals rights, but firestalling the endless, often frivolous appeals gumming up the system.
Yup, it’s unforgiveable that heads didn’t roll over the Jan. 6 Capitol attack. The DC National Guard wasn’t deployed for hours – no big surprise considering that its commander-in-chief was the same guy who incited the attack. Defending the U.S. against such an assault on our democratic process was Trump’s constitutional responsibility, but why would he want to stop something he started? He was too busy enjoying it on TV.
From Wikipedia:
“The United States Capitol Police has the primary responsibility for protecting life and property, preventing, detecting, and investigating criminal acts, and enforcing traffic regulations throughout a complex of congressional buildings, parks, and thoroughfares. The Capitol Police has primary jurisdiction within buildings and grounds of the United States Capitol Complex.”
This is who dropped the ball. They did not anticipate the mob, nor did they deploy sufficient forces.
There's no law against not anticipating something. Who would have anticipated that the U.S. president would incite an attack on our Capitol? The crime was the president's incitement and his failure to stop it.
The crime is one thing. The incompetence is another. Incompetence is not necessarily illegal, but can and often should be a firing offense.
And........if the Capitol Police had fired a volley or two..........fill in the blank
… the Capitol would have been safe.
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