Marco Rubio has just announced that Trey Gowdy of South Carolina will be campaigning for him in Iowa. Trey Gowdy is the Chair of the Benghazi Committee that investigated Hillary Clinton for two years. Gowdy said his purpose was to discover the truth about the official explanations for the incident; Kevin McCarthy, the Republican expected to be the new Speaker, blurted out on the Sean Hannity show that its purpose was to hurt Hillary and it worked splendidly. Hillary testified for some 11 hours and came out of it looking strong in a way that served her reputation, the Hillary brand: she could be attacked but she knew how to fight back. Democrats impatient with Obama for appearing to be a calm, reasonable conflict avoider saw a different kind of potential president in the on-deck circle: scrappy Hillary.
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That was unkind, and I apologize.
We will be seeing more photos of Trey as he travels with Marco Rubio, and maybe I will get a selfie with him when I am in South Carolina, so I want to remove that image from your mind and to apologize for it.
I realize there is a political idea going around now, a Trumpian one: never apologize. Instead, double down. In the Trumpian world what I should do I assert again that his head looks weird, oddly squished. I should say that maybe it was a female elephant not a male one. I would continue the discussion by getting the media to question what kind of elephant squished him, whether it was actually verifiable that at elephant squished his head, whether it was true but unkind to say that Trey Gowdy looks weird. Ideally Jeb Bush would criticize me for saying he looked weird and would defend Trey's appearance as being OK. Others would admit he looks maybe a tiny bit flat-headed but would say that it is in the range of normal. Others would say the criticism is admittedly true but clearly "out of bounds." The result would be three days on the subject of whether Trey Gowdy looks in any way abnormal. Which is a better story for Trump than the fact that a congressman is endorsing your opponent.
But I don't want to do that. I do not want to have my blog be about insults and I am tired of talking about Trump. Which is why I am purposely NOT doing this the Trump way. I want to go on record affirming that Trey Gowdy's head looks perfectly normal. And if I get to see him live in South Carolina, and I come to any different observation, then I will update this. But for now, I am sorry for saying his head looks squished.
And I am really, really sorry if the image of his head on a tree trunk and an elephant's foot is stuck in your head. Please forget it.
Really. Don't think about the elephant.
1 comment:
This is brilliant political parody, and shows not just how to double-down on insult, but to then double-down on the double-down. Your recipe is this.
(1) Select a few full, ripe, unflattering photos of your target.
(2) Garnish the photos with tart similes and sour metaphors so that the selected features on the photos invite special attention and leave an indelible aftertaste.
(3) Cover with a cloth and let stand overnight at room temperature.
(4) Serve on a modest Midwestern "apology" leaded-glass plate, or even a "contrite" pewter platter, but never on glittery crystal or silver rimmed tableware. This will retain the full flavor of the unflattering photos without distraction by your apology; i.e., don't let the apology overtake the flavors of your insult.
(5) Announce to your guests with an innocent tone that you just like such understated almost dull looking apology platters, but do it in a way that calls their attention to the vivid detail in the content of the original insult dish.
Your holiday serving suggestion is to spoon the photos onto dessert plates that are sprinkled with updated thumbnail photos of the same insult as the original, while telling your guests that this is a dish you seldom make because its taste is too decadent, or even mischievous. If done right, this recipe will cause your guests to unsuspectingly savor the insulting original photos set ablaze in their mouths by the new thumbnails-- precisely because they fear you may never serve such naughty fare again.
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