Concierge service for election winners: A modest proposal from the White House

The Trump White House wants a satisfying experience for the MAGA victors.

They request my help.

One of my readers must stay anonymous. She is well connected and wants to preserve the access and influence she has. She works at the intersection of the incoming Trump White House, K-Street, campaign finance, and crypto currencies. 

Apparently she told someone at the Trump transition team about this blog. Somebody there looked it over and apparently made a decision that my mix of readers could serve as participants in a pilot project. Of course, much of what Trump says is pure performance with no expectation of being done. The Trump people know some of his promises/threats are no more real than the mechanical sharks on a jungle boat ride at Disneyland. Or professional wrestling. Trump isn't going to buy Greenland, seize Panama, nor deport 20 million people, but the MAGA constituency loves the thought of it. Thrill experiences are what Trump's people used to develop a base, and Trump's people hope to elevate their game. 

Trump message managers want a trial ballon. Their premise is that poorly-informed, gut-voting, low-propensity voters are really, at heart, MAGA people. They believe that VIP messaging for MAGA will do double duty, simultaneously turning unlikely voters into reliable Trump voters. The question is how people will react when they realize they are being treated to fiction. Is anyone surprised? Does anyone care? Isn't professional wrestling far more fun to watch than the real thing?

His team asked me to publish this. 

Guest Post by Anonymous

The White House

Mar-a-Lago HQ

Department Of Guest Experiences

 

Re: Invitation To Contribute DOGE Ideas

 

Dear Mr. Sage:

 

We would like to give you the opportunity to contribute to making the American political experience for the winners more fulfilling and inspiring. The Department Of Guest Experiences (DOGE) is a Mar-a-Lago HQ initiative that seeks to move beyond the mere pleasures of "owning the libs" by creating a trajectory of satisfaction that is sustainable. Just as a Director of Guest Experiences in the hospitality industry orchestrates every touchpoint of a guest's stay—from the warmth of their welcome to the ambiance of their surroundings—our DOGE must choreograph the political victory experience for our constituents.

 

Our winner constituency extends beyond Trump voters to the millions of Americans who in their hearts of hearts wanted him to win despite the shackles of party allegiance. Anyone sick of the woke mind virus infecting the Democratic party, anyone who stayed home but with fingers crossed—these are the "winners" we'll cater to. We strongly believe these winners comprise 70% of ages 18-35, 80% over age 65, 35% of Democrats who held their noses to vote Harris, 60% of Hispanics and 55% of blacks. The duty to vote Harris obscured the true measure of Trump support in America. Trump is the president of the silent majority, irrespective of how they actually vote.

 

DOGE exists because the president readily acknowledges he won't deliver many of our promises. The point isn't to actually deport 12 million "illegals" (like "Merry Christmas," that term will experience rebirth); the point is coalescing 100 million people who would be smirking at the thought. Our media team says the 3Rs—raids, roundups, and return flights—will provide satisfying content. When violent police action becomes necessary against violent criminal immigrants, we'll keep it tasteful, never exceeding R-rated Hollywood standards.

 

The Green New Deal will give us invaluable footage: uncontrolled battery conflagrations (some underwater!), heart-wrenching stories of families whose batteries died in blue city ethnic no-go zones, parents suffering roadside indignation from their teens as patriotic trucks and SUVs roar past. The possibilities are endless.

 

Our crown jewel is the "White House troll." Trolling is an art, and the more refined it is, the more politically potent it is. Trump will govern from Palm Beach, not Washington, shifting power to a private compound with all the trappings of state—Secret Service, motorcades, the works. Mar-a-Lago HQ will "manage" the White House as a symbol while not being the true seat of power. At the end of Trump's "official" term, he'll continue as America's dominant leader—if our tens of millions of winners stay on board.

 

Please publish this in your blog. Your readers' reactions—angry or supportive, dismissive or raging—are valuable data. Mar-a-Lago HQ values their opinions.

 

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